Letter continued...

"Do I still pray for Daniel's healing? Absolutely. Do I believe beyond a doubt that God is able to heal him? Completely. Do I believe that God created Daniel exactly as he is for a specific purpose? Wondrously. Do I trust Him to fulfill His Will for Daniel, and for our family? Wholeheartedly. God is God. I'm not. I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future, and that's enough for me. I still get angry, I still get frustrated, I still pray for healing. But I rarely question why God hasn't healed him - and I guess it's because God has healed ME for the most part. I don't try to claim that there don't come days when those questions don't arise. If Daniel someday hurts because he realizes how different he is, I'll hurt along with him. And when Daniel dreams his own dreams for his future, I'll dream right along with him....if his dreams get shattered, I'll try to help him find his kaleidoscope, too.

In the meantime, I have so many wonderful memories of little victories applauded. I remember our very first actual conversation (it was about frogs). I remember so many times when Daniel's matter of factness was incredibly hilarious, and he realized that he'd "made a joke" (yes, he says that JUST like Rain Man did!) & laughed harder than anyone, even though he didn't realize what he had said. I remember the times when he has literally made a joke, knowing full well what he was saying. Twice in the past week, he's cracked us all up or melted our hearts..

Once Davey asked, "Mom, if you're riding a bike around a pool, and you fall in, what happens?" and quicker than a flash, Daniel answered, "You get wet." And we all just crumbled in heaps of hilarity.

Yesterday was Davey's birthday. I made him a heart shaped cake. When it was time to cut it, both boys were standing beside me with plates in hands eagerly awaiting their slice. As I began to cut the cake, Daniel said, "Mom, you're breakin' my heart. Y'get it? You're breaking my heart!" We lost it and I almost dropped the slice I was serving!

Just today, he got into the car after school. I usually pack his lunch, and two snacks every day. He has to have a snack after P.E. because his blood sugar drops & he can't focus during the class following P.E. Today, he told me, "Mom, this morning, I gave one of my fruit roll-ups to John F. (a boy in his class from a very poor local family). He got to school late and couldn't go to the lunchroom for breakfast and he was hungry, so I gave him one of my fruit roll-ups." How sweet is that? I can't tell you how many times I've read/heard that people with autism lack the ability to empathize and show compassion. Not if God is in the picture!

One day several weeks ago, I was watching a video on line of one of my support group friends working with her severely autistic son doing school work using a new teaching method (Rapid Prompting Method). His name is D----, and he rocks and makes noises as he works. Daniel heard the sounds D was making and came over to check out what I was watching. After a few minutes, he said something like, "What's he doing?" and I said, "He's learning. His mommy is teaching him." and he said, "What's he doing, though?" (I realized he was meaning the sounds D was making.) and I said, "He's making sounds. He likes the way it sounds, so he makes those sounds to help himself stay calm." And Daniel asked me, "What's wrong with him?" and I said, "He has autism." Daniel replied, "Like me? I have autism." I said, "Yes, like you, but his autism makes it harder for him to learn that it does for you. He's doing his school work with his mommy. Your autism isn't like his; you get to go to school." He said, "Yeah..." and walked off. Then, he said as he sat back down on the couch, "It's because I have autism in Jesus." I sobbed. He's right. He has autism in Jesus. No way that's a bad thing!

He's got an incredible sense of humor, he's an amazing artist, and he's the most tender-hearted child I've ever known. He wept as he watched a video of mine and Joel's wedding. God has created something beautiful out of something that could have destroyed all of us, if we'd let it. Many, many families are destroyed when autism comes into their lives. We just chose instead to cross the Bridge of Nevertheless, and trust God's Plan for us. It's not always easy, but it's always worth it.

I hope that answers your questions, and helps you see that we're not some super-spiritual, ain't nuthin' gonna faze us Christians. (Although we aspire to one day be!) We're just a mommy, and a daddy, and a big brother, who love a very special little fella a whole lot, and love a very great and big God even more. Simple."

"P.S. A couple of other things God has shown me.... One day while reading my Bible, I came across a verse in Hosea - "I will make the valley of trouble a door of hope." and He has faithfully kept that precious promise.

And one night I had a dream in which I very clearly heard the words, "The child has autism. Autism doesn't have the child." Interestingly, a few months later, I was browsing around on an autism website that I'd never visited before, and I came across those very words typed by another mother on the other side of the world. God is a good God....and really big. "